Reflections

Sitting here atop this peak I’m on

Looking down at the beauty beneath

Wondering how I got up this high

Knowing there is no where else to go but down

Inevitable collapse

The waters below show me where I’m at

They reveal where I’ve been

The reflections of my journey here

I see love and laughter

Hope of things to come

Anticipation for the future as we climbed together

All the multi-pitched trust and determination

Giggles of children playing below

Watching and learning wherever we would go

We climbed and hiked this route

Anchored in deep so as not to fall

Or so we thought

But the anchors were loose

Aged from time and climbers falling hard on them

Knowing a safe climb down is not possible

Letting go of the rope that binds us

We jump head first

Not seeing the other

Falling headlong into the deep waters below

Breaking the reflections of our past

They will be no more

Drowned out now by currents of new life

Looking up at the peak from whence I fell

Will I climb that mountain again?

See my reflection in this mere puddle I’m in

Maybe…time will only tell

 

So, I wrote this little blurb this morning based on my mood, as is my custom.  I mentioned previously that I’ve climbed some pretty mighty (metaphorical) mountains during my lifetime already.  I feel like I am at the top of one now, looking over the edge and ready to jump-freefall if you will-into the unknown.  It is a scary time for me and yet exciting.  Part of me thinks, yeah, I can handle any mountain now! And the other side is saying, no…I can’t handle the difficult journey or the fall again.  I have been waging a war inside and outside with what has been going on in my life.  It is still too raw to share details, but suffice to say, it is the largest thing I’ve ever gone through-the most devastating to me, however, I know that because I have an amazing God who promised me He would never leave me and promised good for those who love Him and follow Him, I know that I will still stand and be okay.  I won’t drown in my sorrow or crawl around in desperation.  I am a child of the King and He knows how beautiful I am.  I am thankful for all the past I’ve been through that has strengthened me thus far.  I may not be strong enough otherwise.  It is true…”What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” And also there is a song out that says, “He might let you bend but He will never let you break.” Yep!  My soul and my heart is His!  He also entrusted me with a beautiful little girl, 4 years old right now, that is a ball of energy and light! I love her with all my heart and in this time of free-falling…I know I have to bounce back quickly and be there for my child.  She is resilient and even though this mountain is a journey she also took, and she is feeling the repercussions of such a high fall, I am praying that God can use me in her life to show her that there is something/someone higher than all of this that is worth living your life for! She doesn’t understand yet, and she will always remember this timeframe in her life, but God will reign in her-I have that hope and prayer.

My next post is going to be my story of my first multi-pitch climb (in Red Rock Canyon, just outside of Las Vegas, Nevada), called “Cat in the Hat.” Stay tuned!!!!

Mountains

Looking up at a mountain and thinking about climbing it is pretty intense! The first time I was taken to a rock climbing area (aka “crag”), I thought it seemed crazy-the thought of going vertically up something rather than horizontally.  Obviously it is dangerous to climb or you wouldn’t need a rope, right?

The thought of doing something you’ve never done, that doesn’t seem natural,  is overwhelming.  Nelson Day, with his love of climbing, was eager to teach me how to climb something (with rope)! He, unfortunately, also had to teach me how to belay, which means you are the one at the bottom who is essentially holding the climber’s life in their hands if they fall.  You may (depending on where the fall occurs) get an opportunity to “save” them.  Well, thankfully, Nelson scaled up a relatively easy climb, basically free-soloing, as I attempted to belay.  He was very supportive, telling me I was doing great and I even thought I caught on quickly! Of course, I later experienced having to show someone and trust them to belay me-wow, that brings a whole new meaning to trust!

Climbing! Wow! My first climb was a 5:8 climb in New Jack City (between Lucern Valley and Barstow in California) on Boy Scout Wall.  And, no, I had never even climbed at a gym.  I just knew I would try and fail because I couldn’t ever do pull-ups as a youngster, nor climb my way up a rope.  I was vertically challenged, in more ways than one, I guess! 😉 Well, he said to go for it and I went for it, clinging to a wall that had some very small holds to start with.  I did it because he was excited and clearly loved this sport.  (I did forewarn him that I may not like this sport and choose to watch from a distance in the future, especially since I was afraid of heights.) Did I mention I was fearful of heights? Yeah…just a bit!!! (No roller coasters or ferris wheels for me, not that I’m not adventurous.)  I do like to try new things and I have always thought of myself as somewhat athletic, despite numerous health issues over my years. So, about 20 feet up, top-roping of course, I said, “nope!” “Let me down!” I begged. Nelson shook his head. “I’ll let you down when you’ve gotten to the anchors.” Argh! I don’t believe I even questioned him because he is a stubborn man (in the best of way usually) and he definitely means what he says.  Arguing with him would have been futile. Fine! I had to change my mindset…I had to get up to those anchors, about another 30 or so feet up. Honestly, that last part was probably the easiest physically, but mentally, when you look down and see the bottom, your mind naturally goes to places it shouldn’t (i.e.: I could fall, etc). Of course, on rope, and with a great guide like Nelson, I had nothing to fear. I was too high to talk to him much, (talking is the way I get myself through uncomfortable situations normally), so my only choice was to focus in and try to look for ways to get my feet and hands on this mountain in a way that I wouldn’t fall. The coolest thing was that I did it! I found feet and holds and made it all the way up without hanging or falling. I was ecstatic!  I had climbed! Wow! What i once thought of as impossible was suddenly turned upside down.  The possibilities opened up and Nelson asked if I wanted to climb some more.  YES! I climbed several more that day, about the same level.  I was hooked.  The feeling of mental awareness connecting your brain to your body and its movements, forging through your fear and what you once thought yourself incapable of doing was amazing! Exhilarating! I knew my life would never be the same.  I was challenged-I met that challenge, and now I wanted more challenge.

In the following posts, I will share stories of my climbs and what I learned through them.  I will occasionally just share a story and I may also share some of my other “mountains” (not physical ones, but metaphorically speaking) in this blog.  I hope I can encourage you and challenge you as you overcome your own mountains.

Have a great and blessed day!

Love Is…

Love Is…

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