Feeling Again

Fingers frozen
Thoughts dancing wild
Inside
Chest is tight
Pulse rising
Can’t touch the keys
With the war waging
Tearing down
Layers of pain
Struggling
Fear is fighting
Trying to conquer
Protecting
My fragile heart
Beating louder
Shattering
Silence
Growing
Now echoing
In my ears
The chorus of life
Remaining
Within my soul
Resonating
Memories
Fading
Blurring the walls
like raindrops falling
Wet ivory now moving
Teaching
My heart to sing
Again

 

Lightning

It happens in the least expected way-the calm and then the sudden burst of energy ensuing complacency. It’s like the wall of apathy built around oneself slowly deteriorates and then someone penetrates that protective barrier. The disruption is a fast and sudden onset of rage and emotion all at once.

Lightning

You

Again at this game

Carrying on like it’s nothing

Playing in the field

While the clouds circle high

Darkening

As I focus on the predictable

The overhanging cliff I climb

The strength I know so well

Pulling myself up

Focusing on the goal

The dream I have

Knowing you will be there to catch me

And will meet me at the top

But I didn’t see the clouds lower

The pressure dropping

So consumed in my path

And the water pelting down

Not seeing you under me

Nor hearing the slow rumble overhead

Like my temper tantrum brewing

About to stomp my foot

Slam the door

And scream it out

And so it goes

Lightning strikes

Piercing all concentration

You stumble…

Falling

Hands failing

Loosening your grip on the ties that bind

And I slip

Rope running through quickly

Breath catching as I catch speed

And crash

Lightning strikes

January

There comes a point in your life when you look back at your life and you want to regret the things that led you astray…but you know that you are where you were meant to be, no matter how broken it seems to have been or how rough the current path. HE KNEW! I look back and realize how silly I was as I grew into the woman I am now. I am still failing though, and making similar mistakes. The biggest difference I now see, though, is I am able to hear what someone says and realize the truth in it and instead of running from the truth-the inevitable-I stop dead in my tracks and let it sink in. Do I keep falling full force into what I am doing, or do I step back?

Time…it’s one of those commodities that we as humans seem to think is flying by and we have to do what we want right then. We can’t wait and we can’t bear to think that something might still be waiting for us years from now if we are not ready so we rush in. We are so afraid to lose what we lose anyway because of our haste. Double that up because we all know we each are that way, and it is doubtful that there really was a “perfect time” for whatever we thought we were wanting to accomplish.

Dreams…it’s one of those things we blame our goals on. As a Christian, I know ultimately, my goal is to glorify God in any means He allows me to. (Notice I did NOT say that I can…because that wouldn’t give HIM credit now, would it?) More often, our dreams and goals are not HIS plan for our lives, but I do believe He oftentimes allows us to go there if we are able to do so in humility. But we are so quick to give ourselves credit that we run on an endless hamster wheel of repetitive behaviors trying to “get” somewhere. All the while, He stands next to us, just waiting for us to jump off and let Him truly carry us to His goal. I know, that sucks to hear, especially for those who misinterpret scripture into believing that “God will give you the desires of your heart.” Ha! You’ve missed the point. The desire of our hearts should be to worship Him and give Him glory and when we are truly in sync with God, we will not want the earthly things that seem to hold so much appeal to us. Yes, money is nice, and in my experience, not at all in His plan-sorry folks. Not saying it doesn’t occasionally happen, but I wonder what happens when we miss out on all the blessings He has for us because we are so focused on what “we want”.

Commitment…what is this word you speak of? Never giving up? I think the ultimate goal of commitment is about that higher power (God) who challenges us to be committed to Him. When we are committed, He leads us. He provides the directives when the crossroads come up and helps give us the strength to persevere anything.