Every day is a struggle to get out of bed-I’m tired and feel alone. Even if I read a book and some verses, I still feel physically alone. Longing to be told something nice and encouraged by someone I care about or touched in a loving way. I don’t like being negative or feeling sad. No one does. I wonder if I blew my chances and if I’m that unloveable.
So what gets me out of bed each day when I feel this way? Well other than dogs wanting breakfast, every day for me is a choice. A choice to smile and even if I’m pretending in the outside that everything is wonderful, at least I can try to carry on. Hey, growing up as an mk (missionary kid) teaches you how to have a perfect facade. But inside I’m just clinging to what I know to be true-I know I’m not always a good person, but I’m honest, caring, loving, and not awful to look at, and I’m willing to admit my faults and love someone in spite of any they have. So on the outside, I’ll just “fake it till I make it.”
And to those who also don’t know this-having fibromyalgia adds a whole new dimension to this. There is pain, insomnia, fatigue, depression, and so much more battling it out that getting up each day, jamming out to loud music and getting ready for the day is a huge feat! I know I’ve fought my fair share of these battles but some days, when feeling defeated, all you want is to hear something positive directed at you.
I hate being so raw and vulnerable with my readers but my hope is that we can all know we aren’t alone-even when we feel like we are.