Sometimes, lately, I just sit in the car praying and asking God why I can’t leave the hardships of this world. He reminded me just now that if He is for me, who can be against me. (Romans 8:31) I am thankful for my faith. I am thankful for time and being ok with not getting places on time lately because I’m too busy breaking and letting God walk me through His steps constantly-His will, His ways. Because I want to kick and scream and hang up the phone on people who I disagree with but He is showing me grace. He is teaching me that the most valuable things in life are time and a humble spirit. Not time as in being on time. Time in submitting MY time to him. To dedicating the time during or after a rough thought or conversation to Him. Letting Him renew my spirit over and over again. I know that I have damaged relationships that need that time and prayer. I know that the pride that’s shattered and hurt can remain that way for as long as He needs me to stay down. It’s just so hard to stay positive when the world spins the negativity out of control that life’s decisions that are detrimental take a split second and yet the good and wholesome takes years of sowing and care to reap a harvest.
“Lord, I want to hide my face and cry in shame and grief over all I feel like I’ve lost. I hate the sin that I have committed and I don’t hate myself. Take my guilt and wash these stained hands clean. Take away my thoughts of death and restore them with truth and life. Remind me that you are the healer and true forgiveness is yours-you have removed and forgotten my sins and made me whole.”