Pause, breathe, and continue on (5 things to stop doing in your relationships)

It’s been awhile since I was moved to write. I guess I’ve been contemplating a lot lately. Sometimes fear of someone taking what I write and being misled by their interpretation of it scares me away from writing what I’m going through. But the fear is gone. I can’t hold who I am in anymore. I’ve been evaluating relationships in my life a lot lately. Sometimes people throw them back in my face (may not be intentional but the enemy loves to make me feel that way). 

So, I’ve come to some conclusions overall… 5 things I have worked on and perhaps will continue to all my life. So, pause a moment, and consider the following:

1. Stop expecting…. no, seriously…stop. You can’t use your or another person’s history or past against another-it’s not fair. Let it go-clean their slate. Really. People change-it’s a fact. Learn the one you love every day and enjoy each moment-and instead of growing apart, you’ll grow together. Stop expecting God to give you a timeline…a plan. Last I checked, He only gave us enough light to follow Him…to see each step. When we try to look into the future, we trip because we weren’t looking down where we were going at the path. (Psalm 119:105) Stop expecting someone to be someone or do something …unless you’re going to set that up for them and give them the choice to proceed.

2. Stop waiting for failure. Learning processes aren’t failures! When we workout and work a muscle to failure…it’s not gone nor do we remove it. The muscle grows back bigger and stronger than before. You can’t presume you or someone else will fail…that’s holding on to a negative expectation. If we fall, that’s okay-we are not perfect and some of us take longer to learn…that’s ok because it’s not any one else’s job to fix it…it our own responsibility to get back up and learn!

3. Stop presuming and assuming (kind of goes hand in hand with expectations). Each person sees and hears things through a filter based on their past and what those expectations I talked about are. If you can somehow clear that filter, do so as soon as you can so you can value that person for who they are as a person. Perception is over half the battle.

4. Stop controlling. Take your hands off the wheel for a bit and see what happens. Just ride and stop being the driver. If people would allow God to lead, they wouldn’t waste so much energy on being concerned with where they’re going and how. We are by nature controlling of our lives-we are inherently selfish from birth. Put others wants and needs in front of yours…the rest will follow, I guarantee!

5. Stop needing perfection. Yes, we are all valuable to God…hopefully valuable to each other. Are we perfect? Noooo…Romans 3:23 was the first verse I ever memorized at around 5 years old. No one is perfect-we all are selfish…which leads to so much more: lusting, lying, cheating, adultery, fornication…need I continue? The Bible says what you do in private…in your heart is just as bad as an actual act you have committed. Just like who you are in the quiet of your home, alone, is the true you. We have scars, we have pasts, we have expectations and filters and assumptions and a long list of why’s. Lay it down and let it go. Love each other in your imperfections and carry each other’s burdens. 

Finally, and I know I harp on this a lot, don’t box God in! You know what I’m talking about! Where you think God can only do so much and you know something He doesn’t or can do something in your own time or your own power. Maybe you haven’t been stretched in your faith. Give God more credit than that. He’s got this-if He did something in your life, realize that and realize that it’s His timing, not your pre-conceived notion of what something should or shouldn’t be like. There is never a “perfect time” for something, except God’s time. TRUST Him. And trust HIM!

And continue on…

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