I have been asking myself lately what quality I want to have and work on the most that I don’t already have or one that I need to continue to work on. Yes, I am incredibly honest and I’m engaging, … Continue reading
It’s not a pretty painting in my eyes. The canvas was stained from years of painting, scraped away, then repainted. Now I lost the grip I had keeping it from being scraped away again. The stain of those I loved is still fresh now as new strokes of color are being laid down. I know the stains like imprints on my heart, will always be beneath the surface-they can’t be removed. But the painting must continue, this new scene unfolding.
My new normal…. To say it’s easy being single and alone is mild but it’s more difficult when you aren’t forgetting those behind you (not running away). I am trying my hardest to come to terms with this. I’m told intentions aren’t good enough and indeed it is hope that keeps the spark in my life. It’s just still ….so painful. The rejection hurt but letting go of a bond….I never thought life could hurt so much. But part of my healing has to be me letting go. So I am starting over. I’m discovering the balance and understanding boundaries and realizing how healthy I am becoming alone. Trying to do it slowly feels like a fire burning me alive. I just need an end to the pain like ripping off a bandaid and waiting is a slow torture that reminds me every moment that it is Christ that pulls me through this life-I can overcome this trial because He has promised me He is with me. God has told us in His Word that He has a hope and a future with good for us…even if it’s not until I die.
This is taken from the study I just finished called “The Sacred Search” by Gary Thomas and it is worth sharing because so many of us go through life letting marriage or failed marriage define us:
Remember how we started this book? Seek first the kingdom of God. Not a happy marriage. Not an easy marriage. Not even a wise marriage. Those are all noble pursuits, but the first call of every Christian is to fulfill God’s will for their life and to grow in righteousness. Most of us will not be called into a Hosea marriage, but some of you, even after making a careful choice, may well feel Hosea’s pain of betrayal. This will hurt, but it needn’t wreck or define your life if your spiritual priorities are in the proper order.
The truth is, no marriage is easy. There is no guarantee that the person you marry will continue to grow in faith. She may backslide. He may get sick or break psychologically or spiritually. But you’ll be okay. And you’ll grow in the process. That’s a good thing.
So take a deep breath. God isn’t going to leave you. Who you marry will affect you, but that person’ needn’t define you. Don’t lose your joy, wonder, or even happiness as you face this season in your life. Life is a journey walked hand in hand with God. We want to walk in wisdom, but God has plenty of experience helping His children work through the consequences of foolish choices (their own and others’).
Embrace the soul-healing words of Christ: “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matt. 28:20).
* Look at your spiritual life, your prayer life, your romantic life. Are you believing that God will be with you always? Do you trust Him?
I have resigned from my position as the one you may think I am. The me that I’ve become on the outside is not the person I am inside. I tried to fight it and have been at war. I lost myself years ago, shut out by the feeling of weakness, both in flesh, and in heart. But I’ve realized I can never be perfect enough for any person. I’m stripped from facades and done pretending. My pride is gone and my fight is over. I am just one match burning inside. I will shine my light and focus on basics again. I will stand up for who I am. I am loved, by God and by me…and by my children and family. I will love freely but not fall freely in love. I will live in my here and now, forgetting the past and all my hurt but not where I have come back from. I won’t worry about tomorrow. There isn’t enough mercy and grace in the world but I am enough for me. I never stop caring but will not be pulled under and succumb anymore. Nothing, no thought or evil or temptation, owns me any more. I gave you all my notice-
(And here is my song for the day…)
Truth is, I’m hurting. I’m grasping for hope. But God gives me peace, When I didn’t ask. That’s how I know He lives. I know what He asked of me, And I walked the path, To help someone… Even though … Continue reading
The sun shines brightly
Grass green and flowers blooming
Picture perfect, portrait on the wall
We function well
Carrying on this disillusionment
And then one day
A glitch in our system
The facade falls from the frame
Shattering into a million pieces
Leaving behind the nakedness
Truth is life’s ugly
But we cover up our lives
With pretty things
Keeping our world full
Children and what looks like God
But what happens?
When the portrait’s facade falls away?
When life’s rawness revealing
Our imperfection to all
Comes into focus
Only One to know us
To pick up the pieces
And carry us through these hardships
Let everything go
Let it be real and imperfect
Cry and tell Him you’re hurting
And let Him work it out
Or you can
Buy another picture
Cover up the bleeding
And continue basking in the sun
Of your picture perfect life.