I have been asking myself lately what quality I want to have and work on the most that I don’t already have or one that I need to continue to work on. Yes, I am incredibly honest and I’m engaging, … Continue reading
Thoughts dancing wild
Chest is tight
Can’t touch the keys
With the war waging
Layers of pain
Fear is fighting
Trying to conquer
My fragile heart
In my ears
The chorus of life
Within my soul
Blurring the walls
like raindrops falling
Wet ivory now moving
My heart to sing
I’ve heard the phrase said, “it was just wrong timing.” I thought this to myself regarding something recently and stopped myself. I try not to think too in depth about much when it comes to my life, my choices in the past, and that sort of thing. I have taken many opportunities in life and I’m sure missed out on many.
I am the product of a free-will thinking individual as far as my beliefs. And as I said to a friend recently, I get criticized for all my decisions that come off as looking like I am not sure where I am going in life. I want more-I don’t want to settle and be content with just “getting by.” Or so I say…. I guess some things in my life are dictated by “other” forces such as not wanting to rock the boat with family or children. I have had a lot of varying jobs that have all given me a wide spectrum of job skills. I have had a lot more relationships than one would care to that have given me the ability to put up with some things and not others or how/when to choose my battles or when to let go. Each thing I’ve gone through is a process. Like I said before-stepping stones…it has always seemed to be my destiny in life to hop through on stepping stones without a final point and to be a stepping stone for others to “find themselves” or what they want. Does it make me excited? No, honestly, it doesn’t…don’t we all want a happy, perfect ending? Maybe I just believe that my happy ending is giving all that I have and am for others. Yes, I have desires and wants, but either I don’t get those or I just have to keep waiting. Maybe when I’m 90? 😉 The grass might look greener and I have always taken chances and risks, but I’m so tired of doing so and being wrong. I just can’t risk that anymore.
All these thoughts bring me back to my main point-is there ever a “perfect time”??? I remember thinking that about a relationship I had and yet, it was clearly never meant to be. A good friend once told me I was his soul mate but the timing was off and that we were “never meant to be” and of course, I agreed that it wasn’t meant to be, but for other reasons. “Timing…” Is there really ever a “perfect” time in life for anything? Sometimes people put stipulations on getting married or having children, saying, “When x happens, then we’ll be ready.” (Most times x=having money…which is rare for most people in this day and age to ever have the “right” amount of.)
Henry David “Thoreau” (my favorite writer if you weren’t aware) said, “Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.” He also made the wise comment that, “You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.” Thoreau said more than what I could ever quote-all good stuff. So, to paraphrase what he is saying in these, we know what we want and can not always have it, except in our dreams. There is no “perfect time” but we have to live each moment at a time to the best that we can and take advantage of the open doors…those opportunities.
It’s times like this that I realize I am writing to reveal something new to myself-to clarify all the thoughts in my head. I wish I could say that I will seize moments in the future and do just that, not playing it safe (as many of you think is my custom…even though it isn’t.) It isn’t in my nature to stir anything up. So, I’ll try to be patient and wait and keep living one day at a time and see what happens. Thoughts and feelings can stay in my dreams where they belong. 🙂
Just think about it the next time you tell yourself something isn’t the “right time.” Maybe that is the very time you need to take an opportunity. Everything happens for a reason. You won’t know until you try.
Listening to “In My Dreams” by REO Speedwagon
It’s the little things in life and maybe the things that I’ve gone through that even when I’m having a tough time in some areas I’m still more happy than I can possibly believe and I’m content to live for … Continue reading