It’s not a pretty painting in my eyes. The canvas was stained from years of painting, scraped away, then repainted. Now I lost the grip I had keeping it from being scraped away again. The stain of those I loved is still fresh now as new strokes of color are being laid down. I know the stains like imprints on my heart, will always be beneath the surface-they can’t be removed. But the painting must continue, this new scene unfolding.
My new normal…. To say it’s easy being single and alone is mild but it’s more difficult when you aren’t forgetting those behind you (not running away). I am trying my hardest to come to terms with this. I’m told intentions aren’t good enough and indeed it is hope that keeps the spark in my life. It’s just still ….so painful. The rejection hurt but letting go of a bond….I never thought life could hurt so much. But part of my healing has to be me letting go. So I am starting over. I’m discovering the balance and understanding boundaries and realizing how healthy I am becoming alone. Trying to do it slowly feels like a fire burning me alive. I just need an end to the pain like ripping off a bandaid and waiting is a slow torture that reminds me every moment that it is Christ that pulls me through this life-I can overcome this trial because He has promised me He is with me. God has told us in His Word that He has a hope and a future with good for us…even if it’s not until I die.